How to achieve Congruence with Mindfulness in life?

There are times in our life when what we are thinking, doing and feeling is not very congruent.  You pursued a particular degree course in your life, but then realized you are not cut out for it; yet a lucrative job offer based on your degree got you in.

You were in love with a girl whom you thought was the ideal life partner but your parents insisted on marrying within the community and religion. Social pressure got you in.  You have accepted the reality but somewhere deep within you don’t feel in control or congruent with your life.

Now, you made these decisions and have to live with them. Life can be very tough. When things go out of your control, you might feel regret and anger and then very unhappy with the course of events.

Backtracking in life can be very difficult. One has to accept and move on in life. First and foremost shower some empathy and love on yourself first. You made those decisions and now have to accept the situation.   But how does one do it? The situations in life when what you do, feel and think are in sync is when you feel at peace.

Achieving Congruence

So, how does one feel congruent most of the time? By becoming more self-aware and mindful.  Practice of focusing on the here and now while accepting whatever arises in our awareness without judgment. Let us take a difficult situation.

You have delivered a good presentation after weeks of preparation but there was unnecessary criticism from your detractors. You lost your cool and expressed anger openly. Post which your boss pulled you up and you put in your resignation without a job in hand.

The aftereffects can be a disaster. You might take six months to find the right job and being at home can be a difficult situation. So, it is very important for us to be aware of our emotions. Deep breath and to not react but respond. Accept the fact that the project still needs to be worked upon and there will always be criticism in life.

For a practice that focuses specifically on emotions, try the following exercise:

1. Sit quietly in a comfortable position and close your eyes.

2. Bring to mind something a little sad, but not overwhelming.

3. Notice where in your body you feel that sadness.

4. Place one of your hands on that part of your body in a caring, soothing way.

5. Repeat the above steps but substitute different emotions for sadness: fear, anger, joy.

Also, we at www. Yogfit.in always recommend Yoga with Prandharna and breathing techniques. If you find it difficult to do meditation and control the flow of your thoughts

Increasing your awareness of these bodily sensations is fundamental to becoming more emotionally intelligent. When we examine our emotions carefully, we see that they consist of a bodily sensation accompanied by a thought, an image, or both. The more clearly we can recognize emotions in our bodies, the more clearly we know when a feeling is arising within us.

Sometimes it also happens that an image from your childhood when nobody supported you, or a belief system that ` I can’t be successful’, Nobody ever supports me is working from our subconscious mind.

So, at the conscious level though you are working very hard, have prepared and trying to achieve what you want but somewhere down the line your own subconscious mind has been programmed for failure. Either your friends, teachers  or parents  made you feel that way  in some situations in your life when you did not live up to their expectations. And you were innocent enough to let it seep in your sub conscious mind by

For a second, close your eyes, just breathe in and out. Be aware of your emotions and sensations as it can serve as an “early warning signal” for problematic or negative emotions that you might not want to act on automatically.

For instance, go back to the same situation when your project was rejected. Take a moment to feel the sensations of anger in your body, but don’t react or say anything right away. Wait a few moments until you can think clearly before responding. Instead of expressing anger or having a fight with your boss, you could have just said; I will work on this further and take everybody’s viewpoint.

Being in the moment, accepting people and situations while taking actions all along. This will help you feel in Congruence with yourself. You have to control your mind and think of only positive thoughts. The moment a negative self-belief, past painful memory creeps in replace it with a present moment and positive thought.

Journaling always helps

Remember, in childhood we were taught to write down our thoughts and keep a dairy. As adults it is always helpful to keep a journal. If you are on a weight loss journey, write down what you ate during the day. If you are on a mission to control your thoughts, write down the flow of thoughts. How did you feel with personal interactions you had during the day. Talking with trusted friends, family members, or a therapist can also help you explore your emotions.